a journey in motherhood

He’s 11 pounds now!! He’s so serious in this pic, I’ll have to get him smiling one of these days!

When we made the decision for me to stay home with Elliot we knew financially it was going to be a BIG stretch. Though there was no question in our minds that it was the only choice we had and that God would provide. And provide He has, and not for the first time. I remember another time when we were going to be cutting it close financially - when we commited to buying the condo. It was going to take close to 50% of our income to do it, but before the first payment was even due we both had new jobs that provided more than enough money to afford the condo. And again in perfect timing God has moved, this week Charlie was promoted from Housing & Assets Manager to the Assistant Director of Housing Services, and along with it came a BIG raise! We’ll now be able to go out to dinner once in a while instead of having mac’n cheese every night. :-)  I hope that we are dilligent in showing Elliot God’s faithfulness to us. I pray we never have so little that we’re tempted to steal but never so much that we don’t depend on God. Not only am grateful to God but I am so proud of Charlie, He has worked so hard and truly deserves this. 

Well my hormones are definetly not back to normal. There’s been a couple times now that things that should cause general concern have had me freaking out inside. Elliot’s tongue has been whitish and I’ve assumed it’s from milk residue, but someone suggested it might be thrush. While thrush can be treated and it’s not really serious, at one point I felt debilitating fear and the best way to describe it was that I felt like I couldn’t go on, that I would just have to die. Then this week I was holding him and out of the blue I worried that he might stop breathing, worry turned to panic and my heart started racing, my arms and legs got tingly and I felt very lightheaded. I had to give him to my mom, put my head in my lap, breath and pray until I felt okay again. While the worry was gone, physically I felt kinda unstable for the rest of the evening. It upset me so I did some quick research online and found that they are mild postpartum panic attacks - something completely normal to experience. I feel fortunate really, in the postpartum area - what little I’ve experienced hasn’t been bad at all compared to what is possible. I feel very good on a daily basis and haven’t felt any negative things towards Elliot. I learned a few things online about how to manage the panicky feelings and I’m sure they’ll go away completely soon. And by the way, it was mild residue and not thrush!

It’s summer basketball season and with daddy as coach and uncle daniel on the team we’re going to all the games. It’s no secret that for daddy’s sake we hope that early exposure to the game will help turn Elliot into the NBA MVP of the finals for the Lakers one day

Elliot’s first real smile came on fathers day and it was to Charlie! It’s amazing to seem him progress and wake up to the world and become more aware of his surroundings each day. For fathers day Elliot and I gave Charlie a picture frame for him to put on his desk at work that says Dad and Elliot and has pics of the two of them. I put it all together at 2:00 a.m. on Father’s Day morning after getting up to feed Elliot. I am not usually that behind on stuff but I’m still adjusting to just 1/2 the brain I used to have.

sometimes you can read too much, know too much and I think this has been a problem for me. I’ve read so much on how to care for babies and there are so many different opinions that no matter what I do I would be breaking someones ‘rules’ It was kinda driving me crazy until I just realized that each parent & child are individual and you can’t find a formula to fit all parents and all babies. I actually threw one book away - even though I hadn’t even followed it, just having it upset me b/c I knew I wasn’t following what it said. Things are going so well with Elliot just by doing what comes naturally and is common sense that I’ve abandoned the books and we’re doing it our way.

 

Elliot is such a strong sucker that he continually gets these little painless sucking blisters on his top lip and this is what it looks like when they peel off!

He’ll be a month tomorrow and  I can hardly believe after waiting so long for him to get here it’s been a month already. I love him so much and can’t imagine life without him. He’s brought us so much joy words can’t express how enriched our life has become because of God’s precious gift to us.

Check out the photo albums for more pics from his first month!

I was thrilled (and a bit relieved) to find that I absolutely LOVE cloth diapering. Other than the load of laundry I do every other day it really isn’t any harder than using disposables. They are SO much softer on his little bum, and I find that the extra padding feels so cute, like a babies should feel. Some disposables almost feel like sand paper after getting used to using cloth. Charlie and the grandparents have found that it’s not so bad either. I’ve ended up using covers and microfiber towels from Sam’s club, with a microfleece liner. It’s working great - no diaper rash in sight. the only sad thing is that Elliot’s growing so fast that he’s already almost grown out of the newborn and into the smalls!

The other item I was excited to find works well is my hotsling! I can take him anywhere in it (except the car of course) and I still have both hands available. Plus, I don’t have to carry that heavy carseat around, or mess with the stroller. I’ve used it at home to get some chores done, on walks with my friend Breanne, at the store to do some shopping, and all the way downtown on the train. I have some more slings I’ll have to try out and I can’t wait until he’s 2 months so I can try out some other ways to hold him in it!

Seems theres been a bit of discussion in the media lately about breastfeeding in public. Most states have passed laws stating that a woman can breastfeed anywhere she is legally allowed to be. It’s still not super common in our culture and I know it makes some people uncomfortable - Barbara Walters for one - but I actually feel somewhat of an obligation to society to nurse Elliot wherever I am when he is hungry. It is a natural process God created and it’s too bad our culture isn’t comfortable with it, when it seems they’re quite comfortable with plenty of breast exposure on TV and any kind of advertizing. I’m careful to be discreet and not expose myself - using a blanket or something to cover up, but I refuse to go to another room - even worse a bathroom just to feed my child. I hope that by being one more person out there nursing wherever I need to it will help it become a more acceptable part of our culture. I felt so proud of myself after being able to do it on the train. I’d practiced a lot at home - trust me - it isn’t easy getting a hungry baby to eat while having yourself covered. Elliot can be a noisy eater too - it’s really cute at home, but a little daunting to have strangers here him gurgle and pant and practically growel to get some food!