a journey in motherhood

For the 4th of July we had a BBQ with Charlie’s family - first time all 5 cousins have been together! Us 3 wore matching shirts all with flags on them, here’s our family pic:

turns out theres some sick online site that is stealing pics of babies in their cloth diapers and using them for perversion - so I won’t be sharing any more pics of Elliot like that here. that’s why they’ve been removed from the albums. sick perverts ruin innocence.

but my sweet boy is still adorable, fully clothed

so I had my 6 week checkup. silly me expected him to ask me how I’ve been feeling, ask about my emergency room trip, maybe order blood work to make sure my levels have returned to normal, check to see if my stiches healed right, ask if I’m still bleeding, but oh no, he just walks in, feels to see if my uterus had returned to normal, tells me I can do “anything and everything I want” and says goodbye. Oh, wait he did ask me if everything went the way I wanted it to, and I said, well you remember, I delivered on the operating table - he gives me a lok that clearly says, I have no idea what you’re talking about - I thought about continuing but thought it wasn’t worth the effort. I left there for the last time NEVER to return. idiot.

last saturday we took Elliot swimming in my parents pool. I just held him closely to my chest and slowly went in deeper and deeper. he did really well, gasped a few times as we would get more wet, but never cried and really didn’t even seem upset. He’s not old enough to enjoy it and splash around, but it was fun to take him. We covered him in sun-block (don’t worry - it’s recently been approved to use under 6 mo.) and the funniest part is that the white wouldn’t come off of his cradle cap so his poor head was white for a few days, didn’t hurt him, but a slight blow to my pride when showing him off!

Later that evening we went to a movie with Charlie’s parents and Aunt & Uncle - no babysitter this time, we took Elliot with us. He did really well, although even a few gurgles and goos were enough for me to spend most of the time in the hallway - still watching the movie, just moving a bit with him in the sling. I wondered what people might think of this mother who takes an infant to see a movie - part of me wanted to defent myself - “He didn’t look at the screen, I covered his ears from the loud parts, and he won’t be watching TV till he’s ten!”  But I’ve learned that I need to be confident in my parenting decisions and not let what others think or might think get in the way of what we decide to do.

Charlie had to work but after getting the hand prints we went to visit Charlie’s grandma, she hadn’t met Elliot yet. it’s always such a joy to share my son with others. His great grandma and great aunt really loved holding him. Grandma Konoske asked me “now do you see why I did it 11 times?” I can actually see myself having 10 more babies - what I can’t imagine is having 11 toddlers and then teenagers! No, I don’t think we’ll be going that route!

I went with Charlie’s parents to take Elliot to get his hand and foot print in clay. I had recieved a gift certificate for it at my shower. I was already slightly frusterated with the woman because she had been difficult on the phone when I made the appointment. When we got there it was in the back of this old kids store, it was weird because while everything was in original packaging it looked a couple decades old. Anyway I had no idea that when she put his hand in the clay she would push so hard on it. I had never heard him cry in reaction to pain like that before and it was so sad.  She just said “I forgot to tell you, they don’t like it very much.” Don’t like it? More like it hurts them so they cry!! It only made me resent the lady more. I’m sure I’ll treasure the clay mold, but it was heartbreaking to see him be hurt. He recovered quickly though with some love from mommy. It was good preparation for getting his shots which will happen next week. And I’m sure it won’t be the last time my heart breaks watching him in pain.

I swear I lost my brain with the placenta. I can’t remember anything! I’m most devastated over this because I forgot our lamaze reunion. Our teacher called and arranged a renunion for all of us and I was SO excited! I couldn’t wait to see all the other babies, hear their stories and share ours and show off Elliot. When I woke up the morning after it took place and realized that I’d forgotten about it I could have cried. I was so angry at myself and just frusterated - I rediculously wished we could go back in time. I’m really still sad about missing it too, it would’ve been so much fun. Just writing about it now makes me angry.

I also forget other things, like I left my purse at the hospital recently when we visited friends who just had a baby. I now cary a calendar and I mark off the days when they have passed and I write EVERYTHING down so I can avoid missing anything else.