a journey in motherhood

I’ve had 3 miscarriages. Two before my son was born, and one after him & before my daughter….each very real and painful losses. I have many many friends and aquaintances who have also lost babies. Yet as the amount of people I know who has miscarried grows, the uniqueness of each loss and the importance of it being recognized as a personal experience is more significant to me. For many reasons it is difficult in our culture to give proper consideration to this type of loss, and each individual responds so differently to it that there is no “one way” to grieve or respond to the griever. However too often I feel that people respond by making little of the loss or passing it off as common and therefore less important. I recently came accross this quote and it struck me as very profound and true, something I wish more people realized:

Miscarriages are labor; miscarriages are birth. To consider them less dishonors the woman who womb has held life, however briefly. The physical pain from miscarriage can be as intense as that of a full-term birth.

All the comfort measures that ease the pain of a laboring woman may help with the physical sensations of miscarriage: heated blankets, hot water bottles, warm baths or position changes. She needs to be held and allowed to cry. She needs someone to acknowledge that her loss is real and powerful. One shouldn’t downplay length of gestation or offer biological facts in an attempt to minimize her grief. [Emphasis mine]

— Kathryn Miller Ridiman, excerpted from “Supporting a Mother Whose Pregnancy Has Ended,” Midwifery Today

Yep. same night I wrote that about waking early we ended up in the ER & didn’t get to bed until 2:00 am. I did not wake at 6:30. On the otherhand, this morning I got up at 5:00 am and my morning has been wonderful, house is cleaned, dishes put away, breakfast set out for the kids, bags packed for the day, showered, make-uped, and rejuvenated from a beautiful quite time with God while watching the sun rise and enjoying the quiet beauty of the morning. I think I may just change that 6:30 am to 6:00 am now that I’ve seen what a blessing it can be! So as defeated as I felt yesterday I’m more than ever sure today of this new plan. I know there will be ups and downs and the spirit will be more willing than the flesh, but Lord, let me overcome my flesh!

For a long time now I’ve wanted to wake earlier than the rest of the family. To have time to shower, dress and have a cup of coffee before it’s 3:00 in the afternoon and I’m still in my pajamas. Not only that, but to have time to spend with God, reading his word, praying and reflecting…in the calm quiet of the morning hours. I know my husband would like it too, I could get him some toast or something, but also have a few minutes to say hi & I love you rather than mumbling from under my covers as he goes out the door. I think my children will benefit too, as any time quietly away from them usually makes me a better mom when I’m with them. So my plan is starting tomorrow I will wake each morning at 6:30 a.m. YIKES. This isn’t the first time I’ve tried it … but I’m determined to try again. That’s partly why I’m writing it here and telling friends - really if you think of it PRAY for me to be able to do this. That also means that I want to do what I can to be asleep by 10:30 most evenings. I know that will have to be flexible, but it’s a goal. BUT my wake time will not be determined by my bed time. 6:30 NO MATTER WHAT. It is realistic - afterall for four years I was on a bus to LA at 5:30am. I’m trying to think about it in the terms of: this is when my job starts. I’m looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time.

This was posted on a group I belong to, I thought it was great & had to share…

Sometimes I feel like others look at me and
think “shes just a mom, nothing special” Even though I know in my
heart thats not ture. So this is to all the JUST A MOMS out there (enjoy)

A woman, renewing her driver’s license at the County Clerk Office
Was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

“What I mean is” explained the recorder, “do you have a job or are
you just a……?”

“Of course I have a job,” snapped the woman. “I’m a Mom.”

“We don’t list ‘Mom‘ as an occupation, ‘housewife’ covers it,”
Said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the
Same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.

The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised,
Efficient and possessed of a high sounding title like,
“Official Interrogator” or “Town Registrar.”

“What is your occupation?” she probed.

What made me say it?
I do not know.
The words simply popped out.
“I’m a Research Associate in the field of
Child Development and Human Relations.”

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and
Looked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant
words.
Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written,
In bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.
“Might I ask,” said the clerk with new interest,
“just what you do in your field?”

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice,
I heard myself reply,
“I have a continuing program of research,
[what mother doesn’t)
In the laboratory and in the field,
(normally I would have said indoors and out).
I’m working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole
family)
And already have four credits (all daughters).
Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities,
(any mother care to disagree?)
And I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it)
But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers
and the rewards are

More of a satisfaction rather than just money.”

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk’s voice as she
Completed the form, stood up and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career,
I was greeted by my lab assistants — ages 13, 7, and 3.
Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model,
(a 6 month old baby) in the child development program,
Testing out a new vocal pattern.
I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy!
And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished
and indispensable to mankind than
“just another Mom.” Motherhood!

What a glorious career!
Especially when there’s a title on the door.

Does this make grandmothers
“Senior Research associates in the field of
Child Development and Human Relations”
And great grandmothers
“Executive Senior Research Associates”?
I think so!!!
I also think it makes Aunts “Associate Research Assistants”.

May your troubles be less, Your blessings be more

And nothing but happiness comes through your door!

AMEN!!