a journey in motherhood

I’ve had 3 miscarriages. Two before my son was born, and one after him & before my daughter….each very real and painful losses. I have many many friends and aquaintances who have also lost babies. Yet as the amount of people I know who has miscarried grows, the uniqueness of each loss and the importance of it being recognized as a personal experience is more significant to me. For many reasons it is difficult in our culture to give proper consideration to this type of loss, and each individual responds so differently to it that there is no “one way” to grieve or respond to the griever. However too often I feel that people respond by making little of the loss or passing it off as common and therefore less important. I recently came accross this quote and it struck me as very profound and true, something I wish more people realized:

Miscarriages are labor; miscarriages are birth. To consider them less dishonors the woman who womb has held life, however briefly. The physical pain from miscarriage can be as intense as that of a full-term birth.

All the comfort measures that ease the pain of a laboring woman may help with the physical sensations of miscarriage: heated blankets, hot water bottles, warm baths or position changes. She needs to be held and allowed to cry. She needs someone to acknowledge that her loss is real and powerful. One shouldn’t downplay length of gestation or offer biological facts in an attempt to minimize her grief. [Emphasis mine]

— Kathryn Miller Ridiman, excerpted from “Supporting a Mother Whose Pregnancy Has Ended,” Midwifery Today