a journey in motherhood

I did forget to mention that on Sunday morning all the grandchildren piled into Grandma’s RV and she served us all cinnamon toast - a special memory each of us had had of her was repeated with all ten of us!

Monday we had to leave, Elliot once again did terrific on the way back and we took Charlie strait to the airport. He flew home and Elliot and I came home Tuesday night after spending a day with aunt Nat, relaxing, chatting and watching videos. Elliot sure loves his great aunt Natalie!!!

I’m glad I didn’t have to fly alone with Elliot the first time, going home just the 2 of us was more difficult, but I packed very light and he slept the whole way, my little angel. I was sad to leave family and the wonderful clean fresh air of the Rockies.

Sunday after a meaningful sermon on family by my uncle we had another lunch together. After lunch Charlie, Daryl and my cousin Karlene’s husband Trevor went prarie dog hunting. A new experience for Charlie that’s for sure. They had a good time together and Charlie actually had the best shot of the day.

While the boys went hunting Becky and I went to Karlene’s house to help her get organized (they just moved in) and left Elliot & Natania with grandma, aunts, and great grandma. We had a great time putting her house in order and catching up with the newly wed.

For dinner we had a fish fry. ooh it was yummy, it’s  been so long since I’ve had fresh caught trout. I must say, next to time with family the best thing about the trip was the food!

On Saturday, August 15 we celebrated my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. Along with most all the family, any old and recent friends of the family came to celebrate. We all had lunch together in the church and then for the next hour or so people had the opportunity to share how much my grandparents meant to them and share stories about them. There really aren’t words to describe what an incredible time it was. To sit and listen to person after person after person stand up and share how significant and special my grandparents are - tell stories of what they had done, conversations they had had, experience after experience - testimonies of just how much my grandparents mean the them. And none of it was made up, no one flattered them with meaningless praises, there was no need. All of it genuine - I guess I could compare it to what might happen at a funeral, when someone wonderful has passed away. Except the beautiful part is that it wasn’t a funeral and my grandparents got to hear first hand how they had touched others. There were so many tears - not a dry eye in the place, for this reason I couldn’t share - I knew I’d just start to bawl and not get a word out. Daryl did share, and I’m glad. He told of how wonderful it was to have a grandpa who in fun is gruff and teasing to us, but who would also play hide and go seek out in the yard with us and under that tough exterior really loves us a lot, and a grandma who would make us cinnamon toast and always take the time to have meaninful conversations about God. Never in my life have I been prouder of my family, or more grateful for the family God has given me. This family wasn’t always wonderful, it began with a rocky start, but by God’s grace and miracles he’s turned it into the most amazing family I know of, and truthfully, that is no exaggeration. Everyone in that building felt like a part of our family, and many of them were family in Christ, but I never felt so blessed as to actually be a part of this family. Afterall, those that are married are happily married, and we all get along - most all the time. Of course we’ve had our disputes - let me tell you we have our arguments, but never does the love for one another leave, we all talk on the phone a lot and pray for one another. I think that day we all got a taste of what heaven will be like - close family sharing love for eachother and for God. After the sharing time my parents showed a slide show video they had spent the summer working on - a 1/2 hour of pictures set to music showing the last 50 years, once again, not a dry eye in the house. It was the perfect conclusion, the last song on the video says “may all who come behind us find us faithful” we have found my grandparents faithful, and my parents faithful, I pray that Elliot and Natania and future children and grandchildren find this generation faithful also.

I don’t remember the last time the whole family was together - well, it must’ve been at my brother’s wedding. but even then we didn’t have a whole lot of family time. Daryl & Becky & Natania & us 3 all stayed with my uncle Paul & Aunt Raelynne. He is the pastor of the church, so their house is right next to the church, and my grandparents live in their RV also next to the church. We all shared every meal out in front of the RV by the small basketball court. It was so much fun to just eat together and talk, the weather was absolutely beautiful - cool in the mornings and evenings and warm through the day.

Elliot got passed around almost constantly and did just great, everyone enjoyed him a lot. I got him mostly only for feedings. It was so neat to have him get to spend time with our family who isn’t near us all the time.

Each evening Daryl, Becky, Charlie and I would stay up late talking with Paul and Raelynne about all kinds of stuff - mostly stories of the past. It was really special spending family time together talking about good times. I loved that Charlie and Becky got to experience the wonderful fellowship that our family shares.

what was so fun about Charlie comming is that we didn’t tell anyone except for Natalie who picked us up from the airport. So when we arrived in Baggs we had Charlie get out of the van at the end of the Block and show up at the house several minutes after us. It was so fun to see everyone suprised when he arrived. My mom almost cried. After having my grandma, aunt and cousin suprise me it was fun to do it back to them. I am so so so glad he got to come, it was one of the best weekends of my entire life and it meant so much more because he was there.

August 12 - 16

In a wonderful last minute act of God Charlie was able to come with Elliot and I to Wyoming to celebrate my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. Up until the day before we flew out we thought he would’nt be able to get out of work, but he was - and we probably got the very last ticket on the plane.

So Friday morning at 4:00 a.m. we got up, hedded to the airport and took Elliot on his first ever plane ride. He’s way ahead of his daddy who took his first plane ride on our honeymoon. I had read that it’s good to feed them while the plane takes off so that it helps their ears. Well I tried, but Elliot finished eating before we were ever off the groud. Oh well, we put the pacifier in his mouth and he slept the entire flight. yep - the whole way - not a squeek. other passengers were quite impressed with our quiet little guy. We landed in Denver around nine and my aunt Natalie picked us up. Her good friends had lent her a mini van, a pack-n-play, a car seat and a stroller - we were so blessed!!

From there we picked up my great aunt Mary and my great uncle Bob and we were off on a 5 hour trip to Wyoming. We stopped in Dillon and had lunch at the Arapahoe Cafe - my great grandpa had owned it a long time ago. We all ate the “Bryant Burger” in honor of him. Elliot slept in the car until we stopped for lunch, I fed him and he fell back asleep in the car until we stopped at a Wal Mart in Steamboat Springs for snacks, I fed him, he again slept until we arrived in the metropolis of Baggs Wyoming, population: 348.

 it has been so long since I’ve written - once a few days go by it gets harder and harder to get back on and catch up my life is so busy now…sorry

Now that I’m staying home I can do what I want when I want - in a way. I must take care of Elliot, keep my house clean, laundry done and make dinners - but other than that I must decide what to do with all my time. Part of me doesn’t want to commit to anything at all so that I can “play” whenever I want to. But I need to do things of significance and meaning, and not just be on “vacation” forever. Not that those things aren’t significant, Elliot of course is extremely significant and taking care of my home is a ministry to my family, but I am still left with a good amount of time to do other things with my son. I’m joining a Mom to Mom group that meets 3 Wednesdays a month, I’m going through a weekly dicipleship program through our church with a woman who is a mom of 4. And I’m joining the Women’s Missionary Fellowship who meet once a month. I feel that the Mom to Mom group will be good for me socially to get together with other moms and provide friendships for Elliot, the dicipleship will encourage my personal walk with God, and the Missionary Fellowship will help missionaries and also help me to keep my mind on the big picture, not just my little world here. I also think that these will bring some good structure to my stay-at-home life, but still giving me plenty of time to do things as they come up.

There’s nothing more important in my role as a mom than directing my child to Christ. To lead him in a way that he will one day confess his sin to God and accept Jesus sacrifice and free gift therefore making God ruler of his life. How do I do this? I cannot imagine what it may be like to have a child who is not saved, I can’t even go there with my heart or mind. Yet I don’t have ultimate control. What do I do and not do as a parent to lead him to the truth? How do I keep him interested but not bore him or over-do it and push him the other way? I realize there is no perfect formula and there is no guarantee, I must live my life in a way that glorifies Christ first, putting Charlie second, and my children third. Pointing them to the loving father by being an example - not simply by doing the right things and avoiding the wrong, but by loving God and living solely for Him, and trusting Him to call my children to Him.

I sometimes lay in bed at night thinking of my precious son and all the things that may happen to him, some awful things that I hope will never happen, like drowning or getting lost, but then other things like getting picked on at school or getting picked last to be on a team or getting sick, or getting his heart broken, or getting into trouble, one day this kid is going to lie to me, or steal something…and my heart is going to break. I get this almost suffocating overwhelming feeling, like “what have I done?” I’ve now opened myself up to more pain that I could ever imagine. It hurt before when I wondered if I’d ever have a baby make it through a pregnancy, but now that he’s here it might actually hurt worse. Wow. I would never change it but I guess you never know how vulnerable your heart is until it’s cherished a child in a world that is doomed to hurt them somehow. Does God really love me they way I love Elliot? Even more than that…wow. Have my parents really loved me the way I love Elliot? So that means they hurt so badly when I was hurt or when I chose wrong, and they actually felt this much joy when they held me in their arms and good things happened to me? wow. God does love me and so do they, I just never had a way of knowing how much, until now.